VBAC vs C-Section

From the beginning of this pregnancy, the birth of our future child has of course been on my mind.  With Orion, I ended up having a c-section, so I knew from the beginning that I had two options for this child...try a VBAC or repeat a c-section.  I intentionally found a doctor that is both willing and able to help with VBAC births to keep my options open.  However, despite that fact, I still haven't made up my mind about which route is the right one for me.  It's a terrifying, difficult decision that I don't feel has enough resources or actual discussion around it.  Fortunately for me, my doctor is very open to letting me NOT make a decision until the end of the 3rd trimester, so I have some time...but I still feel the pressure of not knowing what to do and it's driving me a bit crazy.


You see tables like the one below and can weigh the risks side by side, but no one gets into the emotional differences.

After I gave birth to Orion, part of me felt like I had missed out on the actual child birth part.  I had never felt any real contractions, my water never broke, and I never even fully dilated.  I ended the process with a beautiful, healthy baby and in reality that is all that matters, but I still feel like I had missed the experience of child birth.  Part of me wants that.   However, part of me is also TERRIFIED of it.  Not only have I never been through it, what if things don't go well and I end up having to have a c-section anyway?  *sigh*  

On the other side of things, with a c-section I know the procedure, I know how recovery goes, and I'm completely familiar with what to expect.  Yes, there is potential for it to be different this time, but odds are it will at least be similar.   I also know that my body can handle a c-section with no issues, while natural birth is still questionable.  And in reality, is it really such a bad thing to not ever have a contraction or deal with my water breaking?  Really, my decision needs to come down to what is best both for me and my baby...and shouldn't be based on this fear of missing out on the things that most other women experience.  My experience is my own and that should be good enough, right?  

Also weighing into this decision is the fact that I plan on having my tubes tied after this baby is born, which means that I will end up having to have surgery either way....can I just say again *sigh*.   I'm sure this discussion will continue, but I wanted to at least start to put my thoughts into words. 

Week 21

Welcome to week 21.  The halfway mark has come and gone, and we are still rolling quickly toward baby being born.  July seems like a long time away, but I'm sure it will be here before I know it.  The weather has returned to winter, even giving us a snow day on Friday, but I'm still ready for spring to return and stay around for a while.

For baby
Baby is now the 10.5 inches from head to foot and about 13 ounces according to our latest ultrasound.  Baby currently sleeps about 14 hours a day, but I can definitely tell when it's time to wake up and play around. Baby is still continuing to grow bigger and stronger to get ready for life outside the womb.  Wheee.

For momma:

Luckily the pain in my hips and back isn't so bad right now since I've found a more comfortable sleeping position.  I did have a few days though were I just felt crummy...nothing major but I think my body was fighting off a cold.  I blame the constantly changing weather we're dealing with right now.  My belly is definitely round and getting rounder, but otherwise things are pretty uneventful at this point. 

Dr Appt - 20 Weeks

We had our 20 week ultrasound appointment today.  Everything went smoothly and we enjoyed getting to see our little one.  We saw everything, head to toe, including the brain and 4-chambered heart, hands and feet, and even a little bit of personality.  Baby didn't like having the brain scanned, and tried to hide behind the depth of my belly button.  We saw waving hands and kicking feet and lots of sass from the little one.  Everything is scanning at the perfect gestational size as well. Overall, everything looks great with the placenta in the right place and a perfect three vessel umbilical cord. Even my Cervix looks pretty good.  Plus the tech was great.  She answered my questions as we went along and kept us updated on what she was looking at.  There were times where she would even talk to the baby as she was trying to get baby to move or wiggle about.  When we told her about the first ultrasound with Orion, she even went so far as to bring a second tech in to verify the gender to help ease our distrust of the result.  :)   And no, I'm not quite ready to announce what that answer was here quite yet.  :)


Everything else from the Doctor's appointment was pretty uneventful, which is definitely a good thing.  So we've passed the halfway mark and things are a-ok.


Other Stats:

Baby Heartbeat:  150 bpm
My Blood Pressure: 119/72
Body Temperature: Normal
My Weight: Down

Dream #6

Seth and I went to the hospital for my 20 week ultrasound and ended up posted getting swept into a group of pregnant people doing a hospital tour. They showed Seth a kitchen that I wasn't allowed into but had a little window. I watched Seth cook stir fry in this hit wok with my face in the tiny open window but somehow ended up getting way to hot so as we walked over to my appointment room I passed out. As I was coming to I heard the Dr lecturing Seth about letting the patient lay down for procedures instead of making them stay standing. As I opened my eyes I could see the baby in a hospital crib beside me but I was SUPER high on anesthetics. They brought in some nerdy black guy with a big afro and light blue Polo Shirt to test my reflexes and get me ready to go home. I kept laughing hysterically at stupid things. He tried to give me medicine out of a big scoop spoon but put it by my nose instead of my mouth. I pushed it away getting it all over his shirt and telling him he was trying to drown me. I then told Seth that I'd ruined the guys shirt so we should probably buy him a new one. He continued testing me and I got emotional and told him he was a good man all tearfully... He told me I was good to go home and left.

Week 20

Welcome to week 20.  We have officially hit the midway mark on this pregnancy!  Let's hope that the next half goes as quickly and as smoothly as this first half has.  The weather is still beautiful, with 60 degree temperatures in February, so I'm enjoying the pretend spring we have going right now.  Next week we're supposed to be back to the 40s, so I'll enjoy it while it lasts.  On Thursday we have the "big" ultrasound, so I'll definitely have an update to talk all about that process.

For baby
Baby is now the 6.5 inches from head to tail (hehe) and about 10 ounces, which apparently is the size of a banana.  Next week we start measuring from head to toe, which will make WAY more sense to me. Baby now also has working taste buds and is drinking amniotic fluid.  At this point though, baby is essentially working on growing bigger and stronger to get ready for life outside the womb.

For momma:

For me, the top of the uterus should be about even with my belly button.  We're currently trying to figure out names for both a boy and girl, since we don't have a ton of faith in gender shown by the ultrasound later in the week.  We like to be prepared either way.  :)  This weekend we spent some time taking pictures for our eventual pregnancy announcement.  We had a lot of fun as a family doing it, which was such a great experience.  We also took some random pics of my bump, which is most definitely standing out all on its own right now.  I feel like I'm already bigger than I was with Orion, so that's scary.  Maybe I'm just misremembering but I definitely feel pretty big.  I'm also starting to have back and hip pain, which is no fun.  I'm relying on warm baths and heat pads to keep that managed, but I'm sure the boys are already tired of my whining.  Hopefully it's just temporary and will quit being so annoying soon. We will see. 

Dream #5

Today we have a special visiting dreamer....Seth!  That's right...our very own Geeky Dad has had his own share of bizarre dreams during this pregnancy, and last night's featured me, so I thought I would share it with you because....well...why not??

He was at work at a building out in the middle of the country.  He walked outside and when he stepped back inside he saw that one of his co-workers had killed everyone in the building.  Seth asked "Dude, what the heck?"  The guy looked at him a little surprised and told Seth "You have to help me hide these bodies".  Seth said "Wait, are you going to kill me?" and the co-worker replied "that depends on if you help to hide these or not"...so of course Seth obliged and helped carry all of the bodies into a building outside of the office.  However, somehow the co-worker still ended up getting caught and sent to prison, while Seth was arrested but allowed to go free.  He then called me to pick him up from prison, which I did...but when we got home he saw that I had also killed a bunch of people.  He again was like "What the heck, you're pregnant.  This was a bad idea" but helped me hide the bodies nonetheless.


Romantic, right?  Murder, conspiracy, and team work.  That's love right there.

Dreams #4

Last night I had 3 very random dreams!

Dream 1 - Military Base and Trump

Anyone who knows me knows that I am definitely not a Trump supporter. Last night I had a dream that I was on some random military base and Trump happened to be there.  As we were walking outside, we got notice that a bomber was on the way to strike the base we were on so everyone started running to evacuate.  Trump, of course, wanted to put on a show for the press, so he picked up the American flag and started running toward the door.  I grabbed the pole with him to hide his face from the cameras and block his "heroic" attempt.  Once we were inside he threw the flag aside and sprinted out the back door to a waiting helicopter.  Me and the military personnel all started grabbing things to take to the escape planes, including stair sets and emergency kits.  We set the stairs by the cargo hold and the military all started boarding the plane into what looked like comfy first class accommodations.  I looked behind me and there were still civilians all over, so I left the plane and began helping them into the cargo hold, climbing up the stairs and filling the corners of the plane as quickly as possible.  Some people were even climbing up into the ceiling to make more room.  Once everyone was loaded, the plane took off and as I looked out the empty cargo hatch I watched the base explode.  Then I woke up.



Dream 2 -- Cousin drama and Soccer

During my pregnancy with Orion, I had a dream about fighting with one of my cousins over playing the flute.  It's hilarious to read about now, especially since I have never played the flute.  Last night, I dreamt that I was fighting with another cousin and she decided to steal my soccer uniform and hide in random places around her bedroom.  She left the room and I began digging through her dresser and searching her room to find the uniform piece by piece.  Her mother came in and started yelling at me for going through my cousin's things without permission and I tried to explain myself, but she would hear nothing of it.  I woke up not finding my uniform....Keep in mind, I've also never played soccer (except 1 season when I was 5 years old and I was AWFUL!  Just ask my mom).


Dream 3 -- Pregnant Again?

The third and final dream of the night was just pretty stupid honestly.  For some unknown reason, me and a bunch of friends decided to take pregnancy tests together. All of them came back negative except mine, which was positive.  I was shocked because I already knew I was pregnant, but in my dream assumed that this pregnancy test meant that there was a 2nd baby in there with a different due date than the first.  I spent a lot of time in the dream talking to myself trying to figure out how I would give birth to the first baby while keeping the second one inside until it was actually due.  I worried and worried until I called my mom, who told me that it really isn't possible to get pregnant with a 2nd baby while you're 19 weeks pregnant....it wasn't until then that I realized that the pregnancy test was positive because of the 1st baby.  Like I said, completely dumb!!



My brain is such a strange place sometimes.  If you have any explanation for these, I'd love to hear them. :)

Week 19

Welcome to week 19.  It's hard to believe that we're already almost half way done with this pregnancy, but at the same time it feels like it has lasted forever!  :)  The weather is beautiful, so we all have spring fever pretty badly...even though it's only February.  I'm sure we'll get hit hard with snow sometime here soon, but for now, we will enjoy the sunshine.  Som what is going on with the pregnancy this week?

For baby
Baby is now the size of a gameboy, which is about 6 inches crown to rump and weighs about 8.5 oz.   This is definitely my favorite size comparison so far.  The squishy little one now has hair follicles on top of their head and could be growing hairs already. Baby is also developing a waxy covering to protect them from getting all pruney and to help get down the birth canal.  Also, the brain is starting to connect nerves to muscles which means the movements can be more intentional and less reflexive, which is very cool.

For momma:

For me, I'm dealing with acne, which makes me feel like a 13 year old again and that is no fun. I also find that if I sit on a hard chair for too long it hurts my back and my legs start to fall asleep, so that also sucks.  Otherwise, I feel alright.  Right now, most of my thought time is put into our debate of VBAC vs C-Section #2.  It's such a hard choice to make, and I can see pros and cons to both sides, which will probably end up being a post on its very own.  Dreams are also back to being super vivid and random, so that makes things very interesting. 

4th Doctor Appointment

I went back to the doctor for my monthly appointment.  As normal, I again peed in a cup for whatever reason.  My weight has dropped further, so I'm now down 14 pounds since I got pregnant.  Blood pressure was 120/62 which is good, but my body temperature is finally back to normal.  Baby's heart beat was 145 bpm, which sounds excellent.  The nurses also took my blood to test for neural tube defects to make sure there isn't anything like spina bifida.  Unfortunately, the nurses were NOT awesome, and ended up with 2 different nurses and poking both arms and digging around before being able to get any blood.  I'm now all bruised and crabby.  My next appointment is at 20 weeks where they will do the big anatomy scan ultrasound.  It should be pretty exciting.

Week 18

Week 18...I'll begin by saying that everything is perfectly fine with the pregnancy.  However, the last week has been one of the hardest of my life.  On Sunday, January 29th my grandfather passed away.  He was such an incredible man and one of my favorite humans.  He filled so many roles in my life, acting as more of a father than a grandfather, constantly supporting me and giving a sense of stability that I rarely found elsewhere...so to say his loss hit hard puts it very mildly.  I'm still heartbroken but trying to get back to normal life. I've written about my experience with his death on my personal blog, which you can find here: http://startswithagirl.blogspot.com/2017/02/grandpas-final-days.html
I don't want this to be a super sad blog, so that's all I'll say here.

So now, week 18.  What's happening??

For baby
Baby is now the size of a sweet potato and growing steadily, which is about 5.5 inches and 7 ounces.  The nervous system is developing and movement is increasing along with that, allowing more kicks and movement.  Facial features are developing as well, so the baby should be starting to actually be cute.

For momma:

As I said before, I'm sad, very sad, but I'm trying to keep positive as possible.  I physically feel fine and am less tired.  I'm sleeping a little better, but still wake up at least once at night to go to the bathroom.  I also am feeling more and more little kicks and movements which I love.  I look forward to those continuing to get more frequent and noticeable, and I really look forward to being able to share those kicks with Seth and Orion.  Hopefully that will happen sooner than later.