Antici-pation

Well, it's been a while....a long while.  Geeky baby was something that was a lot of fun during my pregnancy, but became less and less thought about as my son continued to grow older and older.  Today he's an amazing, intelligent, sweet 7-year-old boy with a pure heart and a smile that could warm the world.  Seriously, there aren't enough kind words I can say about my son.  He's forever impressing me with his wit and his compassion for the world....


But today I'm not here to write about my son.  Instead, I'm sitting at my desk at work in a bit of shock...you see, last night I realized that my period was late...like 8 days late.  I knew it was a little bit late but I had been dealing with my grandfather going into surgery and other things, so I had attributed the delay to stress...but as the days rolled by I began to question it.  So last night on a whim I decided to take a pregnancy test and you'll imagine my shock when I saw this:

That's right.  According to not 1 but 2 separate tests, I am pregnant.  It is 100% unexpected and unplanned.  I am in complete and total shock.  So for now I sit and wait for a doctor's appointment this afternoon to confirm my suspicions...and then...well, I don't now.

My feelings right now are hyper conflicted.  I've flipped back and forth about wanting more children, not ever fully committed to the idea but never fully against it either...but Seth has been adamant that he only wanted one.  It's a tough place to be, in all honesty.  I want to be excited, but right now I'm just not.  I wish I was.  I feel horrible saying that.  *sigh*  I guess for now all I can do is wait and see how things go from here.  I just wanted to take a moment to get some of these thoughts out there.