Tuesday, February 28, 2017

VBAC vs C-Section

From the beginning of this pregnancy, the birth of our future child has of course been on my mind.  With Orion, I ended up having a c-section, so I knew from the beginning that I had two options for this child...try a VBAC or repeat a c-section.  I intentionally found a doctor that is both willing and able to help with VBAC births to keep my options open.  However, despite that fact, I still haven't made up my mind about which route is the right one for me.  It's a terrifying, difficult decision that I don't feel has enough resources or actual discussion around it.  Fortunately for me, my doctor is very open to letting me NOT make a decision until the end of the 3rd trimester, so I have some time...but I still feel the pressure of not knowing what to do and it's driving me a bit crazy.

You see tables like the one below and can weigh the risks side by side, but no one gets into the emotional differences.

After I gave birth to Orion, part of me felt like I had missed out on the actual child birth part.  I had never felt any real contractions, my water never broke, and I never even fully dilated.  I ended the process with a beautiful, healthy baby and in reality that is all that matters, but I still feel like I had missed the experience of child birth.  Part of me wants that.   However, part of me is also TERRIFIED of it.  Not only have I never been through it, what if things don't go well and I end up having to have a c-section anyway?  *sigh*  

On the other side of things, with a c-section I know the procedure, I know how recovery goes, and I'm completely familiar with what to expect.  Yes, there is potential for it to be different this time, but odds are it will at least be similar.   I also know that my body can handle a c-section with no issues, while natural birth is still questionable.  And in reality, is it really such a bad thing to not ever have a contraction or deal with my water breaking?  Really, my decision needs to come down to what is best both for me and my baby...and shouldn't be based on this fear of missing out on the things that most other women experience.  My experience is my own and that should be good enough, right?  

Also weighing into this decision is the fact that I plan on having my tubes tied after this baby is born, which means that I will end up having to have surgery either way....can I just say again *sigh*.   I'm sure this discussion will continue, but I wanted to at least start to put my thoughts into words. 

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